I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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