As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Princesses don't give blow jobs
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
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