Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
