My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
