too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
