so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
