my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
