...so i touched it.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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