i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
