She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
