D3 body, D1 cock
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
