I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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