i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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