Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
