So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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