Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
