I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
