I can't watch pbs sober anymore
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
