I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
