hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
