I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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