I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
