I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
