Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
