Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
