dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
