I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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