You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
