Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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