I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
