i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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