I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Randomize
