I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
