Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
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