he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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