you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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