In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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