i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
The beer is more important than you right now.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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