Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
