i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I just got carded by a ten year old.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
