I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
