it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
