tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
