I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
