i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
