I'm going to jail i love you
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
