For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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