Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
