i'm signing you up for texting rehab
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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