Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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