Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
she peed on how many people?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
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