fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
There are leaves in my underwear?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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