I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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