You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
