i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
