we're blogging at a bar
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
